A university basketball team
so used to being winless in a tournament ended the 2016 season with a record of
5 wins. There were some changes in the coaching staff and in the players’
line-up. But I think the most important change was that they believed they
could win !
My theory is that after the
second straight victory, they took their practice sessions more seriously
because they finally trusted that
they could pay off.
Belief changes everything.
I used to wonder how a player
can be “on fire”, making every basket from any impossible angle. Is it skill or
is it luck ? Now, I believe it’s self-confidence. They shoot without fear. On
the other hand, those who shoot with so much apprehension cannot aim well and
cannot control their muscles.
Fear destroys focus.
Brendon Burchard is a
world-famous personal development trainer. In the book The Motivation Manifesto, he said that the only way to attain
personal freedom is to overcome fear. He advised that we must expect ourselves
to succeed because that is the true spark of motivation.
Fear, as we all know, is
paralyzing.
In the book Confidence : How To Overcome Your Limiting
Beliefs and Achieve Your Goals, author Martin Meadows wrote about self-efficacy. It is “the strength of
your belief in your ability to complete tasks successfully.” He warned that
“for the sole reason you don’t believe you are able to achieve your dreams,
you’ll live a mediocre life…”
( That line about the “mediocre
life” really scared me ! )
But he also reassured us that
we don’t have to succeed in our early attempts. Coping with failure is key to
success. In fact he mentioned the
technique of flooding ourselves with
rejection so that we will not be intimidated by it.
In the book The Confidence Code, BBC Anchor
Katherine Kay and ABC correspondent Claire Shipman cited an experiment by Prof. Zach Estes in which
some participants initially scored low in a written test because they left some
of many questions unanswered. When they took the test again, they got many answers
correct. They just didn’t try in the first round. They would rather be safe
than make mistakes !
Interestingly, those
participants were women. The authors were coming from the assumption that while
women are not inferior to men, women are generally less confident. They
theorized that society expects girls to be “good” all the time. So, conditioned
to be perfectionists, women are not as risk-taking as the men.
Kay and Shipman even
discussed a possible culprit in biology. Research with monkeys showed that some
are born with a longer version of the gene that regulated the happy hormone
serotonin. These monkeys were observed to be more sociable and more
risk-taking. In human terms, it means they are more confident.
It is becoming more apparent
now that fear of failure is the main thing that stands between us and our
ambitions.
To better cope with failure,
Martin Meadows in Confidence suggests
that we “must ensure small wins. “
He showed a picture of three
concentric circles. The innermost circle is our comfort zone. The next circle
is the stretch zone and the outermost circle is the panic zone. Some may
immediately go for a big goal in the outermost circle. They are the really
brave ones. But for most us, the stretch zone is more advisable. “By setting goals slightly above your
ability, you will gradually improve the confidence in your abilities. “ For example, let's not try to be a guitar virtuoso in 4 weeks.
He also suggested that we
look for encouragement among our peers. He said he was more inspired by the
successes of his fellow members in an on-line forum than by the triumphs of
famous people.
I think Meadows’ best advice
is “reduce the time spent with negative people who discourage you. “
Tip of the week
If you are going to Naga City, the best place to stay will be The Avenue Plaza Hotel. They have world class amenities, great food and above all, the most courteous service I have ever experienced in all the years that I have been traveling. I felt "like a boss." Look for Dennis Serrano and Dennis Bonggala. In the restaurant, look for Rodel Ruiz.
Tip of the week
If you are going to Naga City, the best place to stay will be The Avenue Plaza Hotel. They have world class amenities, great food and above all, the most courteous service I have ever experienced in all the years that I have been traveling. I felt "like a boss." Look for Dennis Serrano and Dennis Bonggala. In the restaurant, look for Rodel Ruiz.
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ReplyDeleteThank you, Joseph !
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